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We had not gone far into the forest before we began to hear sounds. There was shuffling and snapping, dry twigs breaking under a heavy weight. Huffing and puffing, snorting and sighing. With each new guttural sound of disgust for the idiocy of the world and the residents therein, my guides grew increasingly nervous.

Then, with a tremendous crash, the great Ape-Man Teman appeared. Unfortunately for me, terror cleared the sugar-fogged minds of the natives, and they acted more quickly than I. Leaving me frozen in the terror and horror of the vision I beheld, the natives fled into the brush.

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